How do you know when to hold ‘em, and when to fold ‘em?

Hold 'em when it makes you a better person and fold 'em when it is degrading to your sense of self - whether it be a person or way too many shoes falling helplessly out of the closet.

I could leave it at that, but then my mind is flooded with instances where this has not been an easy thing to determine. My first marriage is a perfect example. I held on to that relationship and would not let go for anything. Things got progressively worse, my husband increasingly selfish and cruel, and my sense of self was diminishing at an alarming rate. However, in that state it is so very hard to see realistically what is happening. Then there is the fact that marriage ought to be taken seriously and not simply escaped at the first sign of hardship. I gave my all, even though as time went on how much exactly that was did lessen. I was weak, and had little to give.

The decision to let it fizzle was a hard one, made relatively easier by the fact that I was the only one fighting. In fact, it ended up not being my decision to make. Do I regret staying as long as I did? Not a chance. Do I regret that the decision was made by someone else? Definitely not. I have met those who brag about being the one who decided to leave as though they earned some badge of control. For me this is a horrible thing that instead says "I was the one who gave up."

Life is far better now than I ever imagined it could be. I have a kind, loving, silly husband who balances me more perfectly than I believed another person could. My heart and mind have healed and I am able to embrace life wholeheartedly without reservation; Something I could not have dreamed of before my first husband left. The part I am most proud of though is that I can say I did everything in my power to make our marriage successful. I did not give up when it was hard. I did not put my own interest above the needs of our family. I sought for council and strength from religious leaders. I explored counseling - even though alone.

Deciding to "fold 'em" was a horrible moment which led to a horrible few years. But I had given all I had and then searched for more. I was the only one giving, and I knew as I let it die that I had done everything I could possibly do. I was at peace with myself and my actions, aware of the myriad challenges ahead, and willing to put in the work to rebuild myself. And that is when I feel it's ok to fold 'em.